whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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