Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
thus making me awesome and them whores
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
