I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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