so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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