Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
one two three fourrrrnication!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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