I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
