well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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