There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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