4 words: hood of his car
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
