Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
