I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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