Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
