i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize