I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
