did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
