he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
