if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
