I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
