I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
