Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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