Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My feet surprised me
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