smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
