Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
