Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
