put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize