i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
