Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
