dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
