dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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