its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
