I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize