one might say we're banned from that church
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
