loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize