we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
