her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
