I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
