drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
