oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
