I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
