k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
