i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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