I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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