Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
