it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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