I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
