I wish I only lived at night.
its not stalking. its research.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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