I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
