How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Still dying that you shit outside
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
