I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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