I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
