Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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