Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
