And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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