South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
