its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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