well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize