Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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