I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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