I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
