my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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