ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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