saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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