There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
