At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
