Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
