i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
