ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
