omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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