The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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