'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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