He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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