No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize