I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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