At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
