i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
