god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
